BREAKING: Chuch Schumer And Nancy Pelosi Were Lovers For 25 Years

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi have more than leadership of a failed caucus in common: they’ve also been sleeping together for the better part of 25 years. According to a personal aide who left Senator Schumer’s office after a contract dispute, the two have been meeting in the same hotel room under the same false names every Tuesday afternoon for more than two decades:

“They didn’ think anyone knew. I knew. It was my job to know. They could have been the greatest power couple of all time and instead they are leaders of a failed political party.”

The aide, who will remain nameless until her interview on Hannity later this week, says that she was let go after 22 years of dedicated service and a short affair with the senator herself:

“He’s very charming, Senator Schumer. Our fling was casual and never meant anything, but I always knew that it bothered Nancy. I was never afforded the courtesy of my own Christmas card. I was ‘and staff.’”

The bitterness created by corrupt Democrats will most certainly finish this sad party of fools in no time.