BREAKING: Mike Flynn Loses A Hand In Unfortunate Yard Tool Accident

Former National Security Advisor Mike Flynn, who was forced to step down after it was learned that he lied to Vice-President Pence, went behind President Trump’s back and had contact with Russia without anyone knowing about it, lost his right hand this morning when he reached under his riding mower to clear some debris just as his 6-year-old grandson hit the auto-ignition switch.

The hand, which stayed under the machine when Flynn pulled back, was mangled beyond repair. Flynn is currently resting at Bethesda with the best medical care money can buy because in America, even traitors get to heal first class. Investigators say they’re inclined to believe how the hand was severed but are skeptical about his grandson being the culprit. The boy was in school until nearly 9 AM when he was suddenly dismissed by someone listed as a responsible party.

FBI agent and Russian counter-intelligence expert Volik Martini say the scene is far too reminiscent of how a Russian drug lord deals with a low-level dealer. Hand caught in the mower is a classic. Martini told LLOD’s Skip Tetheluda:

Basically, Mike Flynn was given a warning. If he talks the next thing caught in the mower will be his face. He and the mainstream media may be covering it up but it doesn’t matter at this point. The Russians in play in America are ready to move their operations into the public. We’re all gonna be in it soon.

It’s a good thing Flynn was the only person in the Trump campaign ever compromised by those nasty Russians.

Sorry, the pictures had to be removed because Facebook loves it when liberals whine.